I can't remember

I can't remember,
what its like to love,
to really love.
To feel it,
to taste it,
to know its love and only for me.

I have lived in pretense for so long,
pretense is my reality.

I can't remember the taste of
honey, sweet, and wild.
Its been so long since sweetness, has
been in my mouth. That even I can't
find it.
Instead everything i eat tastes like dry
ashes. Dusty, and stale.

Its been so long since real kindness,
has entered my life. The kindness,
that someone, anyone just cares about me.
They notice my pain, not because I cry.
Because they can look into my deep sad eyes,
and know that I am dying.
I die to myself, for no other reason than
I can't find anything in my life that is real.

Real,
the tangible, touchable, honest enough to tell
the truth and allow me to my feelings. If my feelings are disappointment, or
despair, but they are mine and I am honored for feeling.
Its been so long....

I long to be held and loved by someone
who is not playing, dancing to music I can't hear.
I long to be touched by someone who is not touching me
to get their need met.
That someone who looks into my eyes, and tells me the sweet
nothing lies, that mean nothing when the lights are turned on.
Tell the truth....

It has been so long since,
you tell  me, how long has it been since you,
found yourself in my place....

Lets change it.