Ramblings of a Lunitic

The simple ramblings of a lunatic,
bet you didn't know I was never
stable. Never able to be who I said I was.
Or what if I was able to be the person I said I was.
I can't believe me sometimes.

Once I danced on tables,
no I was not a go go dancer,
I just like to dance.
 I don't have rhythm,
I am not talented,
but I like to dance.

I would love to dance,
with someone who would just dance,
and enjoy the music.
In that very moment.
When nothing in the world
mattered but the dance.

The music can stop and I
will still dance because its all in my  head.
The beautiful colors swirling around me,
and me swirling in the colors.

I can become one of the objects,
no more of this or that,
here or there, just a color,
swirling.

Someone asked me for a lifetime today,
and I can't be a lifetime,
I can't be a halftime most days.

I am sorry but I can't,
I am not , I can only be here in this
dance without music,
pretending to feel a rhythm that does
not exist. Not in my lifetime.

Because I am afraid,
I am not real, I am like your shadow,
I only come out during the daylight.
I am a reflection, but I am sick by the my
deceit.

I have deceived you,
and you are harmed by my actions.
I am so wrong for this.

I pray that God stops me soon.
Or I will leave this space and go to the dark
place that most people pray not to go.
Is life really worth the living or is it worth
the end....
What if it is not what we really think, and
we have thought of nothing that is comprehensive.
We delude ourselves, we believe in God be cause "what if".
and "What if " there is no man that calls himself God,
what if a man made it up to control our feelings about
guilt and regret.

What if its really to make us feel,
and feel where we are in our current moment,
What if it has never been real.....