The tower

If I build a tower,
with one door,
and no windows.
Would you know I
was ever there?

Hard cement
blocks,
as high as a mountain.

No kindness,
no love,
just a cold empty tower.

A tower to
withstand  a lifetime
of events,
a tower to last
the present and the past.

Alone I wonder its halls,
remembering,
what it must have felt like
to be open to all
to come in and out and visit.
Wondering what it must have felt like to have
the sun kiss your skin.
Now the darkness has come
and my fate has been sealed.
I am but a tower.

I love you

I love you,
the way you smell,
the way you taste,
the way you purse your thinly, shaped lips.

I love you when you think of me,
for me when I am not thinking of me,
but ........

I love you for
showing me how much bullshit there
is in life,
leftovers,
hangovers,
anger,
frustration,
and rejection.

Lie to me for love,
speak to me for love,
but I love you.

Now for the sake of love,
let me be me, in me with me.
Alone in the early morning,
alone in the day, and alone in the evening.

Let me wallow in my own
self pity for giving up,
For throwing up,
for just being a fool,
to love you back.

It was never going to be
what you said,
because your words have
been hollow,
a game of how stupid
and foolish you could make me
look in front of everyone.

I love you for the brutal honesty,
feeding me sweet life's, filled with
honey at first and then nutra sweet in the end.
Too much false sweetener will bore
holes in your brain and then.....
YOU DIE.

I love you for
just being you,
Thank you for all
the time you have invested.
I love you for
everything....

Cowards

A man or  woman can compromise
agree to things that go against
the matters of their heart.
All for love,
but is it really love?

A coward, can be
a man or a woman,
who think they are compromising.
They won't kill anything but
they won't let it live either.

What does this have to do with love...?
Everything.
When you love someone,
you don't leave them feeling empty,
wanting something they can never have.
When you love someone you
don't pick at the open wound,
and give them salt as medicine.
Sure it helps it heal,
but in a more so cured meat kinda
way.
Tough, and salty

The next person will
get the beef jerky of life you left
behind.

I resolve
that I refuse to be a coward.
I will not pick at the bones of
left overs, that are not really left overs.
I don't want the empty hang over,
hang ups, push ups of what
was or should have been.

I want what is there for me
when it time for me,
and its mine in the
proper condition.
It can't be angry,
it can't be regretful,
it can't be resentful,
and it can't be unthoughtful.

I guess I can say I have been
a coward one or twice in my
life.
But today I want
to be me....
filled with love to give to the right person,
honest enough to say when I can't be right,
loving enough to love without conditions,
beautiful enough to open my eyes to the sunrise, and
lay at night to the sun set.
Today,
is new
and I will live
each day in the new.
I can't live in the past,

I have subcomb to my defeat,
I can't give more than I have,
I can't be who I am not,
I can't love a faker.

I have loved,
lost, and loved again.
I accept my defeat.
I don't want to walk on this trail again.
The tree's are ugly,
grey and delapatated,
they look like pet moss. Grey,
I want the trail that is green and alive.
I want the trail with the beautiful birds,
singing and dashing in front of me.
I want the trail thats new.

Its time for a new adventure.
I want so much and get nothing.
I keep picking up the rocks that are good for
nothing but throwing.
You know there are nice rocks.
You can find on cool trails.
Maybe I am making it up, maybe
all the rocks are the same its just how you look at them.

I really need a new adveture.

Ramblings of a Lunitic

The simple ramblings of a lunatic,
bet you didn't know I was never
stable. Never able to be who I said I was.
Or what if I was able to be the person I said I was.
I can't believe me sometimes.

Once I danced on tables,
no I was not a go go dancer,
I just like to dance.
 I don't have rhythm,
I am not talented,
but I like to dance.

I would love to dance,
with someone who would just dance,
and enjoy the music.
In that very moment.
When nothing in the world
mattered but the dance.

The music can stop and I
will still dance because its all in my  head.
The beautiful colors swirling around me,
and me swirling in the colors.

I can become one of the objects,
no more of this or that,
here or there, just a color,
swirling.

Someone asked me for a lifetime today,
and I can't be a lifetime,
I can't be a halftime most days.

I am sorry but I can't,
I am not , I can only be here in this
dance without music,
pretending to feel a rhythm that does
not exist. Not in my lifetime.

Because I am afraid,
I am not real, I am like your shadow,
I only come out during the daylight.
I am a reflection, but I am sick by the my
deceit.

I have deceived you,
and you are harmed by my actions.
I am so wrong for this.

I pray that God stops me soon.
Or I will leave this space and go to the dark
place that most people pray not to go.
Is life really worth the living or is it worth
the end....
What if it is not what we really think, and
we have thought of nothing that is comprehensive.
We delude ourselves, we believe in God be cause "what if".
and "What if " there is no man that calls himself God,
what if a man made it up to control our feelings about
guilt and regret.

What if its really to make us feel,
and feel where we are in our current moment,
What if it has never been real.....

The things you should know about me

The things you don't know.
About me....
Sometimes I go through things.
Things that are hard, easy, kind, angry,
Sometimes I cry, it could be a good read, it could be a commercial,
it could be a friend talking to me for me about.
But I cry for them, me, and anyone who needs a tear.
Sometimes, I don't listen,
well most of the time.
Sometimes I don't care,
about things, places, and situations.
Because it overwhelms me.

Most times,
I like being alone in me, with me...
I tend to be selfish.
When I am with you, I am with you.
You are the moment I am in....
Things you should know about me...

Most times,
moments fleet away from me,
and become my past as quickly as they are
in this moment.
I don't want entertainment.
I can watch the news for that.

I like to watch
the lovers in parks touch each other.
I don't envy them, because I don't know them,
but I think its cool that two people can give more of
them than they have to give.

Sometimes I am so lonely,
I know it will be the end of my life and I will
know I have never been alone.

Sometimes, I am in darkness,
I can't handle the here and now,
I don't want to get up, comb my hair, dress, or eat.

Sometimes I wish somebody knew these things about me.....
I thought you should know.
But really
I don't think anybody is listening.
If they were, they would know suffering,
they would know the costume I wear.

I guess I can say
you don't know me....
Sometimes I can be mean.
Shit happens

Its all Relevant

I am going to
get on a boat and go far away,
I can't live in the shadow of a lie.
I will not lie to myself.
No matter what you say,
or what you do, I can't.

Love is a beautiful thing.
If its right.
With the right person,
in the right place at
the precise right time.
I won't watch you from
the shadow but I do see
with my eyes.
Its all relevant.....


I am gong to hop on a train,
and ride to places I have seen
before. Watch the people that I have
seen before and wonder.
Is it real for them...
Who is the fool with
the jester hat... Nope its
not me.
The people I watch;
Do they really feel?
or do they pretend?

Or have they been broken
in a way that were recovery is imposable.

I am going to sit on a hill,
and contemplate my life and my love.
Decide if here and right now is what I want.

I will tell you when I get there......
Its all relevant.

I like to talk but
not always with my mouth.
I like to listen but not always
to the words.
I like to dance, but sometimes
without the music.
Its all relevant.

The tango is my favorite,
pushing and flowing, flowing and pushing.
Desire, and frustration.
Love ....
Its all Relevant