My season is coming

My season is coming,
and its a strong wind.
Cold, and blistery,
not an arctic freeze
but a real cold spell.

My mind is blunt,
not ready to betray its secret.
Its full, not empty,
holding on...
It can no longer be
the faker,
it wants to let loose,
to be free.

Lost in a delusion,
the voice is far louder than
my own conscious thought,
whose voice is that.
Its screaming, so loud
I don't know whats going on.
My eyes are closed.

Open my eyes, and
I am yelling at the top of my lungs.
i must be going mad, because
I don't know what hurts,
I don't know how I got to this point.

God forgive me for enticing death
naked with my dance.
Death invited me first.
I just accepted this invitation.

My bones are chilled,
I am cold and need a sweater
I am numb,
I need a drink,
something to remove the
pain.

When I was a adolescent
I held promise,
now I hold confusion.
I am bored,
and need entertainment.
Thats why i create what I
am living.
I am lonely, empty, and sad.

How do I know,
i don't know what I don't know
but i do know what i can't do anymore.

Insanity,
its the process of doing the same thing
and expecting a different outcome.
But I forgot to notice I was doing the same thing.

If there is a God than he needs to come
now, because I am cold.

My season is coming,
I hope it comes quickly this time,
and he leaves no open doors,
or empty spaces.

My season,
if I can get to another one,
will I be stronger than when I started,
or will it break me in two?

One day the seasons will stop,
then maybe I will dance.

 © 2011 Stefanie Stevens

If i tell you what happened

If I tell you what has happened,

will you understand?

Will you still want to be

my friend?

my lover?

my enemy?

Will you still
look at me in adoration.

Or will you use

me and toss me in the

wast paper basket,

disregard me as nothing,

laugh at me behind my

back?

smile in my face,

If I tell you what

occurred?

Will you even understand

that i was the victim in this

situation.

That I lay down and allowed

someone to do this to me and I

did not fight back.

Maybe I did not know how to

fight back.

Maybe I did not know that it was

happening to me,

but now it has occurred.

If I tell you what happened

© 2011 Stefanie Stevens

Cupid

Cupid visited me last night
he left me a bag of broken arrows
with no tips.
It was really a bag of sticks
What the H...ll??
Was he high,
or angry,
or did he really
not use metal tips.

What magic is this?
I wondered,
sticks that have no arrows.

No roses,
candy,
or presents,
just a bag of sticks.
Is this the consolation prize
I am rewarded for my
constant following of
"love"?
Cupid has betrayed me.
Leaving me desperate.

What if?
I turned my back on cupid.
Leaving him hungry
for my desire.
Cupid stalking me
at the mall,
in the park,
at the beach.
What if Cupids job
was to find me and
the world lacked
empathy and love.
As his arrows pierced
no hearts at all.

I cannot deny cupids,
force,
but i can deny myself
the potent spells he
places on me.
To love and be loved.

I pray that God
removes the poison,
and gives me back my soul.
That the emotion I seek
is foreign to me comes,
and is kind, and gentle.

© 2011 Stefanie Stevens

When we are one

I woke early to
the remnants of your smell,
I could taste your flavor,
smacking my lips.

I watched you
in secret,
observing you silently,
sleeping,
I can see the war raging
in you mind,
your body's involuntary moments,
tell the story,
you flinching, and grimacing;
the heave of your chest
forcing the loud bellows of
cloudy greys, cobalt blue, and Red.
The fortress is safe now.
Your mind is at ease and
at rest.

How did this occur,
waking.
watching.
destiny?
God's infinite plan?
the two loneliest people in
a crowd, finally
enveloped each other.
collapsing, breathlessly,
you in me and me in you.
No ending to the beginning,
immersed, no sound, warm and cold,
and hot, and bold.
We have entered
the cavern of an  abyss,
that neither of us are aware of.
We are a million miles below
sea level,
crystals hang from
the ceiling.
We breath in
unison.

I am so excited,
to know you.
You know me.
I can finally love;
with all of my heart,
not fractured splinters.
Not from possession,
not of fear,
but of absolute freedom,
of expression,
freedom to love.
Freedom to live.
You haven't touched
me, not yet.

Our souls
are intertwined,
mingling,
waiting for God
to kiss them.
When we are one.

© 2011 Stefanie Stevens

In the land of the livng

In the land of the living
the sun kisses my face
and fills me with warmth.
Smiling, feeling,
knowing you,
knowing Me.
ONLY in the
Land of the living

I feel your warm skin
soft, supple,
reminding me
that; I today,
in this moment
exist and live in the land of the living.
I am important, and loved
by someone other than me.
That I am noticed by
someone, and I don't
have to be in the crowd.
In the land of the living
today.
I Can feel
and be....
You....
come to me,
hold me in your arms,
and allow me
to hold you in mine.
You, me,
We matter and
today we live
in the Land of the Living.

Today,
I am visible to all that see me,
to all that love me,
and to all who want to love me.

Jellybeans, pink,
sweet, naked, kisses,
acrylics, smudged on my legs,
laughter, in the land of the living.
With you, and about you.
In the land of the living,

In the land of the living
there are people who walk
vacant, of presence,
suffering daily.
Hollow in their soul,
and empty to their spirit.
Cleaving to a Godless, Man
who proclaims God
is in him.
Yelling,
words that land in
my lap empty of content.

God is love
in the land of the living
he is absolute.
Give love and receive
God.

I love you in the
land of the living.
You have given me
so much to live and give
in the land of
the living.
You have
encouraged me to love
someone so much
that I am willing to give up
on almost everything.
Only in the land of the living.


© 2011 Stefanie Stevens

It is but a dream

I wait
hoping
wishing
lurid dreams of
sexual interludes,

Powerful
strength
needing
not you
remembrance of your past
interjecting into your future.
Frozen in a moment that is not more.

I will no longer keep the night light on
waiting for you to open the door.
I will no longer leave a crack.
I turn my back and
swiftly walk, and never look back.
What ever will be; will be.
You will be my love, that will always be my love.
I am not hurt and I am not angry.

I long for a moment
unanswered
no sweet nothing.
Laments
for what I hoped for.

It is but a dream

Thank you for the experience.
or lack of....

© 2011 Stefanie Stevens